What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 05:19
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I don,t even have a pension.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Would you let your partner cheat on you every now and again?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What melts your heart every time without fail?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I said to her
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Who are some good social skills therapists in Pompano Beach, Florida?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trump administration prepares to ease big bank rules - Politico
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was very sick at this time too.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
All the time i was locked up.
Precision Spectroscopy Reaffirms Gap Between Theory and Experiment - American Physical Society
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is soul school!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I have no regrets .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Was to survive, this bastard.
So whats the point in blame.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But, we were locked up after school.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was 9 years of age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She loved him until the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I waited trembling.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Would this be the day?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He resisted the act ,that day.
What did i know ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it wasn’t much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Comes on , in middle age.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She married twice! .
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im still living with it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Who then, do I blame.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I write beautiful poetry .
He knew the spot.
And i lived it daily.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Put me off passion for life!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My life is so biszare .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So, i spoilt her more .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I think the readers, may guess!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was seconnd youngest,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was scared of men, in general
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were not on the streets..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My family never makes their pension either.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I will be 64.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).